& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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