Don't make out with my wife yet
i think my mom watched the whole time
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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