you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
