you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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