So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes