god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.