Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.