Just fell off a train. Bad.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
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Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
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I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.