The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
