How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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