rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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