boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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