I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
