Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
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My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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