I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize