moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
