Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
