i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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