I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
