i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
