you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
