And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Rumble strips road head = magical
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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