9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Randomize
