Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
