you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
