A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
