I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
