Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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