We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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