I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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