cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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