I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
