I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
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I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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