I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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