I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
