just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize