i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
