...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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