I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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