Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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