someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
