Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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