Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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