Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
