we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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