How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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