my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
