Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
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My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
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She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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