things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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