I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize