its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
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I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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