i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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