In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
