someone threw a dead crab at me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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