I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
