Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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