we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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