i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
