Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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