so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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