Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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