All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
