i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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