He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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