wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
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You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
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He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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