Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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