TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
