omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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