K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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